Professional ghosting

Ghosting will hurt your business. Google dictionary will define ghosting as “the practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.” Essentially someone that was once a part of a relationship becomes a thing of the past and we don’t know why they disappeared.  

Most people think of ghosting relative to a romantic partnership however we see it in all kinds of contexts and unfortunately, I know it to be true in the business world, particularly with freelancers. As disappointing as it is, I’ve witnessed ghosting happen professional scenarios over and over as a result of failed communication, lack of ownership, and frankly laziness. Although it may seem like nothing at the time, if you accidentally (or intentionally) ghost a connection, it could have serious consequences. 

It’s important we address this topic head-on in order to become better leaders, entrepreneurs and freelancers. “When we know better, we do better” as Maya Angelou said, so by educating ourselves on the motivations behind ghosting we’ll be better equipped to deal with the situation should it present itself.

The root of the problem is fear.

Direct communication can be challenging. I consider myself a very straight-forward person and even so, I can feel anxious when I have to have a hard conversation. It’s uncomfortable to make someone else uncomfortable and the fear of doing so will make us instinctively escape. Heard of fight or flight? Our human instinct tells us to fly when things get hard. 

Avoiding the problem all together via ghosting can seem pretty tempting instead of facing whatever lies ahead. The problem is, when you avoid the hard conversation, when you avoid the issue, it doesn’t just go away. It may temporarily move to the back of mind, but it’s still there. Your failed actions don’t just disappear, they actually get worse with a lack of communication. 

It’s like leaving a moldy orange under your desk because you don’t want to touch it. It won’t magically disappear someday. It’ll rot and grow more mold until it’s intolerable. Ghosting will plant a little poison in your business relationships. 

Here are some common excuses you may be telling yourself when you’re tempted to ghost, and ways we can be better. 

1. No time to reply: You have a million emails, a million things to do, too many people to get back to, it’s not a priority, you don’t need the business right now, etc.
   I get it. This is true. We are all soooo busy (insert slight eye roll). But the most valuable asset you have in business is not your talent, your deliverables etc. It’s your relationships. If you’re unable to take the time to nurture the relationships you have, you will have nothing. So far, my business has grown by organic reach only. No outbound sales, just a network of wonderful people thinking we’re wonderful too. Without maintaining strong relationships with the people that know me professionally, I would not be where I am today. Not having time to communicate is a weak excuse. We must make time to maintain professional relationships.

2. It’s uncomfortable: If I reply to this person, it’ll just upset them. You don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings so instead of having a wholehearted conversation you just don’t’ get back to their emails. They’ll eventually get it.
   The hard conversations are just that, hard. I’m sure this is a good reason ghosting happens in personal relationships too. Telling someone you don’t want to work with them or have an issue with something takes tact. One party just isn’t that into the relationship anymore, somewhere along the line there was disappointment or misalignment of communication, etc. It takes leadership and maturity to confront an uncomfortable situation. Brené Brown has wonderful resources on how to handle challenging conversations in her book Dare to Lead. She speaks of the courage it takes to be a leader and how having the courage to be honest is a true sign of leadership. (Here’s an adaptation from her book). 

3. You messed up: You deleted all their files. Your computer got stolen. You didn’t back something up. You messed up the scope and are way over on hours. You can’t finish on time. In some form or another, you did not do your job well and the fear of telling that to your client, your boss, your partner is stifling. Best avoid the conversation altogether, right?
   Wrong. This sucks, I know. Admitting you did something wrong is the worst. You feel shame and disappointing someone is never fun. But look, it’s not going away. We learn and grow from our mistakes and the consequences related. It’s important to come to the table with direct communication and proposed solutions in order to maintain a solid relationship. 

4. Change of Interest: Then there’s this, you decided to close up shop on your freelance work and take a job with someone else or you don’t want to work someone anymore… why bother writing the email or making a phone call?
   You should always let your clients know if you are closing shop or leaving for a while. Allow them to ask you for files or information they may need. It’s the responsible move and will allow your relationship to thrive. I’ve heard way too many sob stories from clients of freelancers who “fell off the planet” and left them wanting. By openly communicating your situation and catering to your partner’s needs you leave doors open in the future.

5. They’re not important: The person/company that you’re working with is no longer relevant. You don’t see yourself doing business with them in the near future, so it feels like a waste of time to try to continue communication. 
   Again, your greatest professional asset is the people you know and your extended community. Someone may not feel important to you now, but you are playing the long game. Treat everyone with respect, regardless of what you’re immediately getting out of it, and it will be fruitful. This year alone I have reconnected with people I met my first year in the professional field (8-10 years ago). They are now my clients. If I had looked at those relationships as over/done/not important after we stopped working together those new opportunities would not have happened.

So next time you’re tempted to avoid the hard conversation, to bury it in the sand and think it’ll go away, take a moment to reconsider. Play the long game and do the small (possibly uncomfortable) thing now that will help prevent poor relationships or reputation. It takes courage to communicate authentically, wholeheartedly and directly. When you choose to face the challenge head-on you will earn the trust and respect of those you are working with, something that is truly priceless.

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